do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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