so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
