pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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