so that wasnt chicken after all
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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