Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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