My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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