I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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