You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize