I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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