how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
