puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
