i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
