I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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