Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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