from now on my penis is your penis
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm always down for nudity.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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