Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
