Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
