He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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