there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
