Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize