Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I want a musical about memes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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