I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
