I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
