She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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