she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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