I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
