headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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