Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
