i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
