I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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