I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
