I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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