so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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