ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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