Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize