Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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