I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
