So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
zippers are such a cool invention
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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