u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize