I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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