Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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