It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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