i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
