So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
