No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dicks are not precious.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
