Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
