Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
