it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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