ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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