Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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