guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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