So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize