How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize