Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
