Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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