So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
