in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
