Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize