she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
