I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize