Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize