dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
