he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
