I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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