I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
