Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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