True but thats because hes a fetus.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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