Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
