i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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