you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it's like iHOP with fire
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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