dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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