So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
