Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
